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“We men are only human, not robots,” says Marcelo Vicente, here with his son.
A sudden pang in the chest. shortness of breath. “I was scared to death.” Marcelo Vicente (28) is sitting in the office when everything collapses. The freshly minted papi from the canton of Nidwalden lands in an emergency. There the diagnosis is made: depression and anxiety disorder with strong psychosomatic symptoms. Vicente spends four weeks in a clinic.
After giving birth, 15 percent of mothers suffer from postpartum depression (not to be confused with the baby blues, see box). But it’s frowned upon not to be overjoyed when you’re in bed. Therefore, all too often: silence instead of telling. Smile instead of asking for help. The mothers experience little support – the fathers are often completely forgotten. For them, postpartum depression is an even bigger taboo. According to studies, at least every tenth person is affected. 89,000 babies were born in Switzerland last year. That makes conservative calculations 13,000 newly ill women and 10,000 fathers.
Most common complication of childbirth
“Mental illnesses are the most common health complication after childbirth – and yet there is much more talk about sudden infant death syndrome,” says Fabienne Forster, a psychologist who researches the mental health of parents. “We are talking about a very high number of affected people who go undetected and untreated – especially fathers. This has massive economic consequences.”
The pandemic has increased the psychological burden on young families. Five times as many fathers contacted the Postpartum Depression Switzerland association this year as in 2019. The first Swiss fathers’ advisor, Bern-based Remo Ryser (50), has quadrupled the number of consultations since it started in 2019. “Not only mothers, but also fathers sometimes need emotional support,” says Ryser.
For a long time, the focus was on women
For a long time, little thought was given to postpartum depression in men. The focus was on the women, who often do most of the support work after the birth. “But of course giving birth triggers something in a man,” says Forster. Emotionally – and physiologically: “It is assumed that the testosterone levels of daddies drop significantly during childbirth. At the same time, the oxytocin level, the so-called cuddle hormone, increases.” A clever reaction of nature with the aim of adapting the dad to the new role and tying him closer to the family. However, the new research also assumes that this interaction is a risk factor for depression in men. “The daddies are getting more vulnerable.”
Dario Scuto (40) was not feeling well after the birth of his daughter. “My feelings were running wild and at first I found it difficult to bond with her. She was often breastfeeding with her mother and I had to take care of the older brother.” Fathers sometimes have trouble finding their place, says Annika Redlich (40), office manager of the Postpartum Depression Switzerland Association: “There are always fathers who feel superfluous due to the close emotional relationship between mother and baby. You can’t develop a deep relationship with a newborn in a two-week paternity leave.” A SonntagsBlick survey recently showed that today’s daddies want to be present. 70 percent say that they “always make time” for their children and maintain a “close relationship” with them. At the same time there is work away from home.
Retraditionalization through the birth of a child
The birth of a child often contributes to a re-traditionalisation: “The old breadwinner model is considered yesterday’s – but fathers are still often the main breadwinners of the family,” says the men’s representative Markus Theunert (49). That puts pressure on you. “There’s still this male image of the father who has to bring the money home and be strong – and we’re only human, not robots,” says Marcelo Vicente. Fathers are never asked how they are, if they need help, says Fabienne Forster. “And if you want to google it, it just says: mother, mother, mother.” Alain Steiner* and his wife had two cry babies and only got three hours of sleep a night for years. “I kept saying to myself: It just has to be dure!” But at some point he was no longer able to cope with everyday life with only resilience. “I hit rock bottom when I felt I wanted to shake my child. I would have liked someone to tell me in advance that something like this can happen and show me where I can turn to.”
Those affected often suffer from sleep disorders or back pain, but do not recognize any psychosomatic problems in them – or ignore them. As is often the case with mental illness, there is still a high threshold for seeking help. Father advisor Remo Ryser is not surprised: “If men talk about their excessive demands, they are considered wimps.” After his collapse, Marcelo Vicente not only received support: “Some people said: It wasn’t a heart attack, so it wasn’t all that tragic.” Men have therefore learned to deal with their feelings of being overwhelmed and afraid, says Annika Redlich. Redlich: “Overcome your shame and get in touch with us, often wrap your suffering in the word burnout, which has a more positive social connotation.”
Often unrecognized
But even when fathers get help, postpartum depression often goes undetected. “It still happens that an affected father comes to a specialist who is not yet aware that the disease also affects men.” For Markus Theunert, there is therefore a central message: “Depression in men often does not look like depression is imagined.” Instead of being depressed and lacking in drive, men tend to be irritable, aggressive and act impulsively. Annika Redlich: “You make cynical remarks and withdraw. They gamble, consume more alcohol, or try to suppress everyday life with excessive sport. » Men are ill differently than women. In many areas of medicine, the man is considered the prototype. Women are more likely to die of a heart attack because their symptoms, which are considered “atypical”, are not recognized. In the case of depression, it is the other way around: the “typical” signs are based on the symptoms of the women. The consequence: Affected men often receive no help. This is probably why their suicide rate is massively higher.
Find help here:
There are contact points around the clock. These are the most important:
Association Postpartale Depression Schweiz: www.postpartale-depression.ch
Umbrella association of Swiss men’s and fathers’ organizations: www.maenner.ch/mencare/landkarte/
Parent emergency number: 0848 35 45 55 www.elternnotruf.ch
The offered hand: Tel. 143 or www.143.ch.
Crisis intervention centers: Almost every canton has crisis intervention centers that offer easy, round-the-clock help.
There are contact points around the clock. These are the most important:
Association Postpartale Depression Schweiz: www.postpartale-depression.ch
Umbrella association of Swiss men’s and fathers’ organizations: www.maenner.ch/mencare/landkarte/
Parent emergency number: 0848 35 45 55 www.elternnotruf.ch
The offered hand: Tel. 143 or www.143.ch.
Crisis intervention centers: Almost every canton has crisis intervention centers that offer easy, round-the-clock help.
Men and women go through different times after giving birth. “It would therefore be important for fathers to be able to talk to another man in a crisis,” says Remo Ryser. However, this often fails due to the current circumstances: the midwives, the nursing staff and the advisors are mostly female. In the same way, studies on the time after childbirth refer mainly to women, the clinic offers are mostly designed as mother-child wards. “In our preparatory course there was only one slide dealing with fathers. And it said: this is how you support your wife, »says Dario Scuto. “The whole system is focused on the mothers, and we no longer live in the 1950s. Today we men are like a second mommy.”
It needs more professionals
For Markus Theunert it is therefore clear: “More sensitized specialists are needed, more father advisors, and every birth preparation course needs a father focus.” At the political level, it is crucial to remedy the undersupply in the mental health sector and to promote equality measures, says Fabienne Forster: “Studies show that the more paternity leave men are available, the less often they develop depression.” There are rays of hope: Forster is currently developing a training course for midwives and nurses on the subject of postpartum depression in men. Counseling for fathers is on the rise throughout Switzerland. After Bern, the cantons of St. Gallen and Zurich also hired their first paternity advisors last year. Meanwhile, in federal Bern, gender medicine is coming into focus: the National Council recently approved the launch of a national research program.
And thanks to regular therapy, sport and fixed structures at home, Marcelo Vicente is now healthy again. “I finally feel happy and relaxed again.”
*Name changed