Service of friendship – Meyer advises
«Roll up the jumping sheet»
My best friend has one male drama after another. She cries out on me every time, and shortly afterwards it all starts all over again.
Friend services are not always helpful.
There is a crude but apt term in English: Askhole. This is someone who keeps asking you for advice and then does the exact opposite. Of course, this is doubly tedious for the other person: First you have to discuss for an evening to then realize that it was a waste of time. Askhole!
However, this system only works because you play your role – that of the clever friend who always listens – so well. You say it yourself: When it comes to crying, you’re always there. Which brings us to the question: What’s in it for you? Why is it important for you to be available as an emotional emergency doctor? Why is it important to you to be able to give wise advice? Why do you have to be heroine and sage? After all, you could just say: Look, you’re experiencing the same story over and over again and I can’t seem to help you. Please talk to someone else about this. Let’s talk about other things.
That in turn leads to the next question: Do you have anything else to discuss at all? Is your girlfriend interested in you and your life, or just herself, and your relationship drained of drama and useless analysis?
Incidentally, your friend apparently suffers from love and sex addiction. This is a serious, professionally recognized and fortunately treatable psychological problem. But by not naming it as such, but by continuing to comfort your friend, you only reinforce it. This is called, to use the third excellent English term, enabling.
As long as you catch her falls, your girlfriend will keep throwing herself off some romantic balcony. Help her and roll up the jumping sheet.