False or true?
Seven tips for talking to potential liars
“Lies have short legs”? Not really. But there are signs you can still use to spot liars. With this guide you will get to the bottom of the lie.
Published: 21 minutes ago
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Crossed fingers should also protect you from small lies.
Christian Mauer and Dirk Ruschmann
Real stories are full of strange, curious details, even ones that the narrator doesn’t understand or can’t explain himself. Concrete statements about feelings and thoughts that were felt in special situations – happy or critical – speak for the truth as much as information about details of place and time and about connections with personal preferences or habits. And also unnecessary details that are not necessary for a story are an indication of authenticity. So be careful with low-detail and overly smooth stories!
This is how you uncover everyday swindles
You order a lemonade with no added sugar (“Fanta zero”), but when you look over the counter you think you notice that the barman is pouring a normal lemonade into the glass. If you now ask: “Is that really a zero?”, hardly any bartender will admit that he made a mistake (or was too lazy to get a bottle of zero from the cellar). So instead you ask, “That’s a regular soda, isn’t it?” So you’re asking the opposite of what you really want. Because denial is associated with more emotional effort than affirmation. We’re also more inclined to explain what’s right than to admit we’re wrong.
7 tips for talking to potential liars
- Use the expectation effect: Let the person you are talking to understand that you deal with psychology, are fascinated by the subject of lies, facial expressions and body language, and have a good knowledge of human nature. Leave reading material on the topic visible.
- Watch out for discrepancies: Is someone behaving noticeably differently than you know them? Are laughter, voice, posture, language different than usual? Is someone talking very monosyllabically, who otherwise tends to rambling details, or is someone unusually talkative, who otherwise can hardly get their teeth apart? What is not normal indicates tension in the other person – possible lies.
- Be prepared: If you frequently have difficult conversations with someone (like a tenant or landlord, boss or co-worker, ex-wife or ex-husband), make a checklist: What are their speech, voice, posture, and other characteristics when they are relaxed? You will notice deviations more quickly and clearly.
- Ask test questions: Claim things or suggest things in a question that you know are wrong – and your counterpart must know that: “You’ve lost quite a bit of weight” – when in reality your pants are tight, or in an electronics store: “The television should have done great in the test” – if in fact he failed. From this you can see, firstly, how important love of truth is to the interlocutor, secondly, you can observe his behavior when he is lying: What is he doing? Does he fidget, does he play with his hair, does he switch to other topics? He will probably do the same with other lies.
- Use Pavlov’s reflex: Nobel Prize winner Ivan Pavlov discovered that living beings react physically to significant stimuli – just as a dog starts to salivate when the food bell sounds. For you, this means: Have a concrete suspicion, ask questions that will freeze a «perpetrator», and only this one! If office supplies disappear from the company, ask: “When was the last time you saw our hole punch?” The perpetrator will react to the question: show deviant behavior in voice, language, posture. Everyone else will remain calm.
- Make it easier for the liar to confess: First, build a personal relationship with him! Maintain eye contact, avoid aggression, laugh with him, mirror facial expressions and body language. Second, show understanding; pretend that you have a similar value system, take the blame and with it the shame from the liar! Something like this: “If the company manages punches and copy paper so carelessly, it shouldn’t come as a surprise if we occasionally steal something from underpaid employees…”
- References to a higher authority: If nothing helps, you can also “threaten” with more intensive checks, but you are “innocent” about it yourself. When interviewing a job applicant, for example, you claim that the manager makes a sport out of meticulously checking information in applicants’ CVs. And when you’re buying a used car, you say your husband will want to have the car checked out in his garage before they can seal the deal. Anyone who is hiding something should now prick up their ears and tell the truth – in order to prevent an embarrassing exposure later on.
This is how you uncover everyday swindles
On average, each of us tells an untruth every five minutes – out of politeness or to gain an advantage. Here’s how to spot lies and what strategies to use to corner liars.
On average, each of us tells an untruth every five minutes – out of politeness or to gain an advantage. Here’s how to spot lies and what strategies to use to corner liars.