Separation from the partner – Meyer advises
“Should I stay with him until he’s stable?”
I want to separate from my partner, but he has no one, neither friends nor family, and would fall into a hole. Should I stay with him until he’s more stable?
Published: 49 minutes ago
Staying with your partner out of pity is not a good idea.
Thomas Meyerwriter and columnist
That’s not a good idea. You would make yourself the psychiatric nurse for this man, which makes a relationship as equals impossible. Especially since you certainly do not intend to declare your intention openly, in the sense of: “I will leave you, but because this will get you down, I will stay with you until I have reason to believe that you can manage on your own.” At least that would be honest – but hopefully you can see from the wording how pretentious and demeaning your plan is.
Besides, he’s hopeless. Because how do you want to determine that your partner is stable enough? And why do you think your mere presence contributes to this? Or do you want to secretly train the poor guy in separation management?
You probably believe that you are a fair, empathetic person, but your reasoning is purely selfish: you do not want to be responsible for your partner falling into a crisis as a result of the breakup. You don’t want him or anyone else, including you, to see you as a bad person.
So you have to ask yourself what exactly a relationship means to you. Apparently, at the moment it means being with an emotionally burdened person and thinking that you are doing him a service. And apparently you value your reputation more than your well-being. Your goal should be to live a happy life. And not one that gives as few people as possible reason to look at you askance.
Could it be that you are projecting one or the other deficit onto your partner? Aren’t you the one who would lose your footing in a breakup?
Our motives for staying with someone are varied. But nothing is good except love.